I got a very interesting email today. I decided to respond. His emails are in RED and mine are in BLUE. A screenplay (Short) I wrote and entered in a festival in 2008 was a finalist and was placed on a roster for film-makers to review and decide if they want to film it or not along with the other finalists. It wasn't in my opinion that great but it was nice when it happened. I suspect that is where he got my information. I had a lot of fun today with this guy. The first email came completely out of the blue - See below:
how are you doing hope sound and great. if you are Colin Dempsey and a Screenwriter do get in touch with me cause i need to give you an information.
sincerely, Jam Scott.
So I responded...
I am indeed Colin Dempsey and screenwriter. What info have you got Jam?
Might be interesting right? He responded back very quickly.
Hi Colin, i was asked by Mrs Jilianne Walker whom i works for as a financier to give you the sum of sixty thousand dollar, appreciating how good you fare at the screenplay 2008. do get back to me and let me know where to mail the cheque to.
Would it be easier if I sent you my bank details?
I'm sure he got very excited at this point.
sure you can send me your bank details now, and i will work on the transfer immediately, Colin. Take care, Jam.
Then I thought of a great idea...
Dear Jam Scott,
I am for you a very Confidential Business Pr oposal please read thanks.
My last screenplay sold for no less than the sum of $47,500,000.00 (forty seven million, five hundred thousand United States American dollars). I have this in my account and would like to transfer it to into your personal account so I can avoid paying American taxes.
The above sum resulted from a typing error that has seemed to have gone unnoticed. I am burdened with this money and need to send it to another country as soon as possible. After much research I believe that Nigeria would be perfect. Can you help me Jam, to get out of this jam?
Are you a member of The Central Bank Of Nigeria Apex Bank? If so, I am ready to transfer the funds immediately. The total sum will be shared as follows: 70% for us, 25% for you and 5% for local and international expenses incidental to the transfer.
I need the following
(a) your banker's name, telephone, account, fax numbers and star sign.
(b) your private parts telephone, shoe size, sexual preference and religion and fax numbers —for confidentiality and easy communication.
I really need to transfer funds ASAP. $47,500,000 united states american money dollars is hard to hide. I even tried spending some of it by doing up the apartment and going to the cinema every day this week. I bought a lot of stuff at those expensive shops at the airport. I just can't seem to relax with all that money in my account.
Also, please tell Juiliane walker not to worry about my fee. I obviously don't need money. She could buy me a martini when we eventually meet. I like it straight up with extra olives.
The business will take us thirty (30) working days to accomplish.
Please reply urgently.
...and then I waited. He replied.
I dont understand what your meaning. Jam.
I'm trying to scam YOU Mr. Jam Scott! I tried a different approach.
Where are you based from? Are you in New York? Lets meet up for lunch.
We could have scam-bled eggs or scam and cheese sandwiches or scam chops. He replied.
How come your writing me those scam stuffs?, i got enough on my email already.
Oh, I hurt his feelings. I tried to apologize to Jam.
I'm sorry if I offended you by suggestion that you are a scam artist. Maybe being offered $60,000 over the Internet is not so strange these day with modern technology and all.
So are you for real about this check? Do you really need my address. Let me know and I'll send it to you.
Jam never responded, so I sent another email.
Have I upset you Jam? I'm very sorry. It was a joke.
Still no response. So I sent this with two pictures of cute cuddling kittens.
I'm sorry Jam!
Ah well, I had my fun. Another scam defeated. That $60, 000.00 would have been nice though.
UPDATE *********** June 18th***************
The pictures of cats and kittens cuddling must of melted this scam artist's heart. He sent me another email the following day.
its ok, i understand how you felt, but i need you know this is all true. leave me your phone number and then your mailing address, and you will hear from me. i hope all is well with you?, for the apologies they are certainly accepted.
I was overjoyed!!!
I am so happy that you are not upset or angry. It was a silly joke. I am leaving the office to walk to my bank right now and get my details (account number, bank address of main account, transfer codes, routing number etc. I don't have them in the office). I shall return in an hour.
I am so happy you liked my screenplay. Can I ask you a question?
What did you think of the character who could turn into a dog with super powers? Did you think it was strange that he could talk and fly but not be able to drive a car?
Let me know, email me back and I'll send you all info.
I'm so glad we are back speaking.
Oh, one more thing...I want the money transferred directly into my account as I do not want my wife to know about the check. We will be divorcing soon.
I didn't hear back straight away as I suppose he is very busy scamming so I sent him all my personal details anyway.
Jam, Here are my bank details:
4 Swindle Road
You must type in ALL the numbers from below
423054352345234543523625625625 - 5
My Account Password:
Bank Manager Name:
Mr. Jelly Spread
My Home Address:
80 Madoff Avenue
Is there anything else you need?
All I can simply do now is wait for my $60,000.00, like waiting for Godot.
...and he's back again the next day. Anoyed after trying to locate Shyster Bank I'm sure.
Quite pathetic, i think youve been scammed before. i,m no Bernard Madoff. i,m sorry. whenever you think you need the cheque do get serious and i shall mail it to you. be matured.
Maybe this will clear things up between me and Jam.
No Jam, I have never been scammed before. It's a lot more complicated than that.
You see, In 1972 I was part of a crack commando unit that was sent to prison by a military court for a crime we didn't commit. Me and my men promptly escaped from the maximum security stockade and fled to the Los Angeles underground. Today, we are still wanted by the government. We survive as soldiers of fortune.
Me, Faceman, Murdock and BA are still very good friends but we are all very careful about giving out our information.
Although I will say this Jam, If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find us, maybe you can hire the A-Team
Oh, did you read my screenplay?
That should clear things up. Then I thought I would put the ball in his court.
Hey Jam, prove that it is not a scam!
I feel like i've really got under his skin now!
You have to believe that no matter what had come your way, but good things can still happen to you. what do you mean scam??, ive told you if you need the money all you need do is leave me your phone number and then get serious so i can know you are. i,m fed up with your madoff story, i believe madoff is cooling his heels in jail now just as the rest would be soon.
Did you read my screenplay?
We did, and saw how brilliant your, hence wanting to appreciate your effort. we are based in brusells belgium, and presently in ghana signing a screenplay writer like you and taking him down to brusells to work with us. you can help yourself when you get serious, man. i,m an american myself you must believe in your dreams, and just like the character you used in your story, micheal kennedy, of course that,s a fictional name, you could aswell shed up some ideas of yours and make yourself a freeman and expose yourself to the real world, if you havent started living it.
OH he's American, well that changes EVERYTHING.
I am so happy that you read my screenplay. Your proposal does indeed sound fantastic. Now that I know that you have read it I am taking you seriously.
I just have one important question. Did you think that it was odd that Michael Kennedy could turn into a dog with super powers and talk and fly but could not drive a car?
This worries me, I may re-write the screenplay before I take you up on your offer of $60,000.00.
So, let me know. Was it weird? Should I change it? Your thoughts?
...or maybe you could hit me up with some bullshit philosophy.
Money isnt everything, but we cant live without it. your screenplay is just perfect and if we can talk and we can come to conclusion surely we could sign you up, make a travel plan for you to come to Brussels, and make a film out of "the art of eating alone".
Money is everything to him hence all the emails. More importantly...
But what did you think about the dog?
everything is perfect.
...and the robots? Will I leave them in? I'm so glad to be working with you on this.
i cant be talking to you this way,leave your phone number, i,m fed up replying to your questions, you will not hear from me again, except i give you a call.i,m tooooo busy.
Too busy scamming.
I am disappointed. For someone who is going to issue a $60,000.00 check I just thought you would want to help me with the screenplay. I would be willing to give you 25% of the check if you help me with some issues I am having with it.
1) Michael Kennedy - Is the fact that he is a rampant homosexual an issue?
2) Are all those graphic high detailed gay sex scenes in the script that you read and said that you loved too hardcore?
3) Should I take the dog with superpowers out of a few of those scenes? Maybe have it drive the Gang-Bang Van? (this is in reference to earlier emails about the dog driving)
4) Robots? I'm on the fence about this one.
So, help me out with this Jam and 25% of the check is yours. You said you read the script and loved it, actually for the last few emails you have mentioned that you loved my screenplay a lot, and I mean A LOT!
You wanna help me out here.
Please don't send back a nasty email - I'm serious Jam.
Then I thought about what would piss him off more.
Oh...you are homosexual. I get it now. That is why you like my screenplay. Yes? You are a gay man. Well then I will leave all that stuff in and not change a thing.Would you like me to send you a photograph of my penis?
You know what? I didn't even wait for a response I just sent it. (Not an actual picture of my penis - I just googled "Penis" and found this image)
Here it is Jam.
My penis is bigger than a camel, I'm kidding that's just a packet of camel cigarettes. Do you have camels in Ghana? Or is it mostly genocide and tribal warfare? My condolences.
Do you think Kofi Annan, the 7th Secretary-General of the United Nations and Ghanian national would like my screenplay? Could you give it to him?
Can you send me a picture of your penis beside a copy of todays newspaper?
Well Jam Scott! Ball. Your Court!
I got this anonymous post this morning, twice. I think we know who it is given the sloppy grammar. Nice try Jam!