News: October 31st, 2006
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Why I killed Mel Gibson..
Sometimes, out of nowhere I get sent orders directly into my brain from an unknown alien source which results in me dropping everything, and taking on another mission.
Why I killed Mel Gibson
Why I killed Mel Gibson
Stand Up Comedy
Some people have asked me about my Stand Up so I posted a show I done a while ago. Its old stuff but hey, I don't say "Fuck" that much in it.
Part 1 - Unwanted Gifts From Loved Ones.
Unwanted Gifts by Loved Ones
Part 2 - Living in Queens.
Part 1 - Unwanted Gifts From Loved Ones.
Unwanted Gifts by Loved Ones
Part 2 - Living in Queens.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Robot Nightmare
I came across footage of a robot malfunctioning at a Robot Show. It makes me laugh and fills me with fear at the same time. I will no doubt have nightmares about this in the next coming days.
It actually sounds like it screams "Mommy" at one point, about 1:01 into the video.
It's never good when a robot screams for it's mother.
It actually sounds like it screams "Mommy" at one point, about 1:01 into the video.
It's never good when a robot screams for it's mother.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Fight Breaks Out at Comedy Show
Tragedy struck last Saturday night at The Jury's Hotel in Dublin, after a fight broke out between Two comedians live on stage.
Hal "Write It Down" Roach has been the shining star of Jury's Irish Cabaret in Dublin for twenty-five years. With his unique style of humor, he entertains countless thousands of tourists, sending them back home across the globe with a smile in their hearts and fond memories of 'that funny little guy'.
Unfortunately Hal Roach was accidently double booked with the half Irish, half Scottish and 100% hilarious, Glasgow’s very own Eddie Devine. The response to Eddie's original brand of side-splitting clean humor is always overwhelming. Eddie is the preferred comedian of audiences everywhere he goes! Trouble was brewing as these Two mega stars were about to collide.
Eddie not only burst onto the Irish-American/ Scottish-American scene as a featured performer in the States, but he also burst onto the stage in full swing not knowing that Hal Roach had just started into his material.
"Miss Flanagan was of marrying age, but had no prospects. So she put an ad in the paper that simply read "Husband Wanted". Well, wouldn't you know two days later she has over 100 replies - and they all said the same thing: You Can Have Mine." - The Audience Erupted into fits of laughter.
As the laughter died down, Eddie edged into the center stage.
"Why do bagpipers walk while they play? They're trying to get away from the noise." The audience roared again. Hal looking confused quipped back:
"Murphy was driving home on I-43 when his wife called on his cell phone to tell him that there was a report of a car driving the wrong way on the interstate. "One car?" Murphy replied. "Why, there are hundreds of 'em!". More laughter as the two men began to elbow each other out of the center stage. Eddie shouted into the audience.
"Two cannibals were eating a comedian. One turns to the other and asks, "Does this taste funny to you?"
The audience becoming somewhat uncomfortable at the growing tension between the Two giants of stand up comedy chuckled politley.
"Y'see ye scotch bastard, they came to see ME" Hal sneered, barely hiding his fustration.
"Och, ho ye wee little man.." Eddie blurted before being cut off again by Hal.
"I'm 'Irelands International Comedian' and I don't see your name on the bill", Eddie put his hand on Hal's shoulder causing Hal to react by brushing it off.
"Calm don jas a wee bit"
"Don't tell me to calm down y'orange haired little fucker! I was working this stage when your mother was working freelance in the brothels of paisley" quipped Hal to a now visibly embarrassed Eddie.
As the crowd inhalled in shock Eddie angrily shot back. "Not that you'd knae wot a brothel luk lack wiv ye glasses like dah on yer faece" the audience oooh-ed in shock "Y'probably need dem t'fin yer wee willie" - The audience suddenly roared laughing thinking it part of the act.
A furious Hal then charged at Eddie pushing them both back into the drum kit. The audience panicked and ran from the function room. In the words of a witness who did not want to be named said "Hal just went crazy. He charged at the man swinging with a look in his eyes that said he was ready to kill. I think the scottish guy was quite a bit taken back".
After a solid two minutes of unrelenting bludgeoning from a cymbal wielding Hal, Eddie managed to run to the car park calling for help. Hal managed to catch up and took him down at the handicapped car spaces.
"Hal battered him" Gerry the night porter said, "Hal is pushing eighty but he just raised his bloody fists in the air, blood shining in the moonlight and rained blow after blow into eddies face. He fucking battered him."
Other witnesses said that as Eddie cried out "I feel no weel" Hal kept screaming "Write that down you fucking bastard, write that down."
"The only way you could recognize Eddie was from sections of his kilt that wasn't covered in blood" a local policemen claimed, "It's something I have never witnessed in 35 years of policing in Dublin. Eddie is lucky to be alive. They found his sporran on the roof of the hotel for god sake. It was a frenzied attack."
Hal has since gone missing and is said to be moving from friends house to friends house until the dust settles.
Eddie has ben shipped back to a hospital in Glasgow were friends and family can help him through this difficult period of recovery. His sister, Bonnie told reporters that "Eddie jas wan te poot a smile on peoples faeces. Raise t'spirit an all dat. Comedy t' oor wee Eddie was a gift he wanted to give bach t'dee audience"
A close friend said the follwing of Hal Roach.
"Hal is much more than just Irelands International Comedian. His dedication to his art, his commitment to making people laugh, his perfect timing and true professionalism steeped in the heritage of the humour of Ireland make his a unique talent. He is a man whose zest for life is contagious. We can easily become infected by it. Hal is appreciated everywhere. He plays to packed houses wherever he appears, from Mayo to Boston and from Kerry to Sydney. Hal Roach is still the reigning “King of Blarney”, painting pictures of Ireland with words which are masterpieces of humor. We have faith in Hal. He shall return better, FUNNIER than ever. You can write THAT down!"
A fan posted the following on his website "Hal Roach, wherever you are, please turn yourself in so you can bring us joy and laughter once again."
As of writing, Hal Roach, Ireland's International comedian is still at large and wanted for questioning for the violent attack on Eddie Devine, Scotland's half Irish, half Scottish and 100% hilarious comedian.
"You know it is summer in Ireland when the rain gets warmer" - Hal Roach
Hal "Write It Down" Roach has been the shining star of Jury's Irish Cabaret in Dublin for twenty-five years. With his unique style of humor, he entertains countless thousands of tourists, sending them back home across the globe with a smile in their hearts and fond memories of 'that funny little guy'.
Unfortunately Hal Roach was accidently double booked with the half Irish, half Scottish and 100% hilarious, Glasgow’s very own Eddie Devine. The response to Eddie's original brand of side-splitting clean humor is always overwhelming. Eddie is the preferred comedian of audiences everywhere he goes! Trouble was brewing as these Two mega stars were about to collide.
Eddie not only burst onto the Irish-American/ Scottish-American scene as a featured performer in the States, but he also burst onto the stage in full swing not knowing that Hal Roach had just started into his material.
"Miss Flanagan was of marrying age, but had no prospects. So she put an ad in the paper that simply read "Husband Wanted". Well, wouldn't you know two days later she has over 100 replies - and they all said the same thing: You Can Have Mine." - The Audience Erupted into fits of laughter.
As the laughter died down, Eddie edged into the center stage.
"Why do bagpipers walk while they play? They're trying to get away from the noise." The audience roared again. Hal looking confused quipped back:
"Murphy was driving home on I-43 when his wife called on his cell phone to tell him that there was a report of a car driving the wrong way on the interstate. "One car?" Murphy replied. "Why, there are hundreds of 'em!". More laughter as the two men began to elbow each other out of the center stage. Eddie shouted into the audience.
"Two cannibals were eating a comedian. One turns to the other and asks, "Does this taste funny to you?"
The audience becoming somewhat uncomfortable at the growing tension between the Two giants of stand up comedy chuckled politley.
"Y'see ye scotch bastard, they came to see ME" Hal sneered, barely hiding his fustration.
"Och, ho ye wee little man.." Eddie blurted before being cut off again by Hal.
"I'm 'Irelands International Comedian' and I don't see your name on the bill", Eddie put his hand on Hal's shoulder causing Hal to react by brushing it off.
"Calm don jas a wee bit"
"Don't tell me to calm down y'orange haired little fucker! I was working this stage when your mother was working freelance in the brothels of paisley" quipped Hal to a now visibly embarrassed Eddie.
As the crowd inhalled in shock Eddie angrily shot back. "Not that you'd knae wot a brothel luk lack wiv ye glasses like dah on yer faece" the audience oooh-ed in shock "Y'probably need dem t'fin yer wee willie" - The audience suddenly roared laughing thinking it part of the act.
A furious Hal then charged at Eddie pushing them both back into the drum kit. The audience panicked and ran from the function room. In the words of a witness who did not want to be named said "Hal just went crazy. He charged at the man swinging with a look in his eyes that said he was ready to kill. I think the scottish guy was quite a bit taken back".
After a solid two minutes of unrelenting bludgeoning from a cymbal wielding Hal, Eddie managed to run to the car park calling for help. Hal managed to catch up and took him down at the handicapped car spaces.
"Hal battered him" Gerry the night porter said, "Hal is pushing eighty but he just raised his bloody fists in the air, blood shining in the moonlight and rained blow after blow into eddies face. He fucking battered him."
Other witnesses said that as Eddie cried out "I feel no weel" Hal kept screaming "Write that down you fucking bastard, write that down."
"The only way you could recognize Eddie was from sections of his kilt that wasn't covered in blood" a local policemen claimed, "It's something I have never witnessed in 35 years of policing in Dublin. Eddie is lucky to be alive. They found his sporran on the roof of the hotel for god sake. It was a frenzied attack."
Hal has since gone missing and is said to be moving from friends house to friends house until the dust settles.
Eddie has ben shipped back to a hospital in Glasgow were friends and family can help him through this difficult period of recovery. His sister, Bonnie told reporters that "Eddie jas wan te poot a smile on peoples faeces. Raise t'spirit an all dat. Comedy t' oor wee Eddie was a gift he wanted to give bach t'dee audience"
A close friend said the follwing of Hal Roach.
"Hal is much more than just Irelands International Comedian. His dedication to his art, his commitment to making people laugh, his perfect timing and true professionalism steeped in the heritage of the humour of Ireland make his a unique talent. He is a man whose zest for life is contagious. We can easily become infected by it. Hal is appreciated everywhere. He plays to packed houses wherever he appears, from Mayo to Boston and from Kerry to Sydney. Hal Roach is still the reigning “King of Blarney”, painting pictures of Ireland with words which are masterpieces of humor. We have faith in Hal. He shall return better, FUNNIER than ever. You can write THAT down!"
A fan posted the following on his website "Hal Roach, wherever you are, please turn yourself in so you can bring us joy and laughter once again."
As of writing, Hal Roach, Ireland's International comedian is still at large and wanted for questioning for the violent attack on Eddie Devine, Scotland's half Irish, half Scottish and 100% hilarious comedian.
"You know it is summer in Ireland when the rain gets warmer" - Hal Roach
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Irish Pop Star is NOT the Antichrist
Pertaining to a recent conversation I had with an old Irish buddy, after extensive investigation, I have determined that Daniel O' Donnell is NOT the Antichrist due to the following evidence:
Revelation 13:13 says that the second beast "doeth great wonders..."
and has "..a mouth speaking great things"
Matthew 24:24 indicates the same thing: "..and shall shew great signs and wonders;"
I rest my case, still unsure? Buy the guys album.
Still unsure? Look at the below selected album covers and ask your self again..
Is this man the Antichrist?
Is this man the Antichrist?
Is this man the Antichrist?
Is this man the Antichrist?
Is this man the Antichrist?
Is this man the Antichrist?
Is this man the Antichrist?
Is this man the Antichrist?
Clown Helicopter
Irish Minister for Tourism, Martin Cullen recently addressed the annual conference of the Irish Hotels Federation. He talked up the failing economy and tried to reasure all present that they were not to worry about the ever deepening recession, because the Irish government were on top of it.
Afterwards as the helicopter carrying the minister took off from the Malton Hotel in Killarney, the left door fell off.
Witnesses say Mr Cullen, who was flying with an assistant and a crew of three, screamed and wept like a child.
Not very reasuring!
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